Kenya Update 12/30/09 - Kenyan Christmas!

I am home from a 12 day journey "up country". I traveled about 800 kilometers north (past the equator! :) ) to spend time with the families of friends I have made in the last 4 months. My first destination was to the home of a pastor-in-training named Peter Nyonje. He's an older fellow, whose first born son is heading to ANU to student science in January. It was great being in their home. They live in a sugar plantation that is maintained by the family (immediate and extended) - I learned that while my teeth are stronger than most in the US, they don't hold snuff up to Peter's sons who have grown up peeling sugar cane with their teeth. I tried it...it felt like I was chewing on a piece of wood. One example of how I had to return to the state of foreigner hyper-dependency for the first few days I was there. Peter's home was beautiful - on a hill over looking the river bordering the Nyanza providence and the Rift Valley Providence. Panoramic views of the Kenyan countryside accompanied everything we did. It was a relaxing time as they did not allow me to do anything as far as work. At length I managed to coerce the family to let me help with some planting, and taking me some places...they were surprised at how far I could walk (it wasn't that far...)

I spent my birthday with Peter's family, they all gathered and we ate, his daughters and nieces sang for me (which sounded very good! crazy.) and he gave me a sweet pot from a potter who lives a km or so from his village. It's a sweet pot, versatile and good looking! It was so great spending time with him and his family. Some of them did not know English or Swahili...so it was interesting trying to communicate, though I did pick up some of their tribal language (They are Luo...I mainly learned thank you, good morning, how are you, I'm fine, and grandma! :) )

On the 22nd I met up with Charles' family. It was a great time - they are all grown, functional people who live in and around Nairobi. We all piled into a bright blue 14 passenger van and traveled another 3 hours or so North to his parents home. It was with the Okinyo family (they call themselves OFA...awesome.) that I spent my Christmas in Kenya. It was a great time, plenty of straight up hanging out, eating washing dishes (they actually let me help, God bless them) and playing games. On Christmas morning we slaughtered a ram to roast (nyama choma!) for the big Christmas meal. We didn't exchange gifts till boxing day, and it was a white elephant style deal. I was left with some funny little toy that is small and peculiar.

Oh a sad note: I took about 550 pictures and videos (3.4 gb). On Christmas day I accidentally formatted my memory card, deleting everything. Very heart breaking business...they were some special pictures. Luckily, after a few hours and days I don't feel that sinking disappointment anymore. I gave my card to a friend of Charles' brother Japheth who works for a data recovery company. I hope they can get the pictures back, but my expectations are not high. Pray that Timothy's computers are smart enough to recover the lost data!

It's nice to be "home" in Nairobi, able to communicate with my family again and sleep in my bed. It was a wonderful trip - something I'll remember forever and something I wish I could have shared with everyone I love. Thanks for your prayers. As far as I can tell I made it off the trip healthy enough, so I have so much to be thankful for. It's surreal to think of there only being 2 months left (2/3! I think in ratios.) ... I hope that God uses me in exciting ways during these last 2 months in Kenya.

Kenya Update 12/14/09 - Jamburi Days

Happy Birthday-week Ardreys! Friday was my Dad's birthday, tomorrow is my sisters birthday, and Saturday is MY birthday! Wahoo. I gave Dad a call during his birthday dinner which required me to get up at 3 am in the morning...I had some halfway coherent conversations with some friends sitting remotely in my living room...but it was 3 am, so I take no real responsibility for what I said!

This weekend was Jamburi Day in Kenya - Kenyan Independence day, if you will. It's pretty sweet end of the semester, especially for the students...Friday was the last day of classes, and Saturday was a public holiday. Speaking of Saturday, the Nairobi Chamber Chorus (who I have the GOOD fortune of singing with) was invited to sing at the National celebration at the Nairobi State House - where the President of Kenya lives. It was a big ol' jamboree in the front yard of the State House, there were about 12 (maybe?) performing groups to provide entertainment for Mr. Kibaki (the president) and a bunch of dignitary hoo-ha's. We were one of those groups. It was a lovely day, and I expected to get home late afternoon and do some stuff before dinner. Well, the event was scheduled for 2 pm, but Mr. Kibaki did not show up until about 4:45, so the program didn't really get moving until 5.

The singing and dancing was all very fun though - I wish they allowed me to take pictures! They were checking cameras at the edge of the State House property. Very sad because there were some awesome traditional performers that would've made some wonderful pictures...not to mention the President. Oh well. Its the closest I've ever been to a political "big wig" so it was pretty fun.

SUNDAY we had a performance as well. I went to church in the morning then hopped down to Nairobi to meet up with the choir. After some scrambling to photocopy music, we all piled into a matatu and went to the British High Chancellors house. I actually know nothing about what the British High Chancellor does, but the event was a fund raiser for um... something. Anyway, we had a good time, it was a long concert where we sang most of our repertoire, including a good chunk of Christmas carols. Highlight of the day for me (despite their lovely home and mince pies they gave us...so. delicious.) was our accompanist (accompianist? :) ) A Chinese woman whose name I forget (so you won't have to butcher it) had her "Doctor of Musical Arts", basically the PhD of piano performance. She was incredible! I wish she played more pieces, but alas.


After the concert I spent the night at Emmanuel Ashene's place. It was quite fun, we watched a movie, ate some githeri and eggs...then we fell asleep to the addicting goodness of 24. So good - though I'm glad I don't have the DVDs, I would have no soul.


Today, I hope to touch base with my Norwegian friend at St. Paul's orphanage to hopefully make some progress on their website (it all depends on whether I can find some air time...), finish my laundry and juggle other details and responsibilities.

On Wednesday morning (early!) I'll be going up country for a bit less than 2 weeks. This will be quite fun, I am looking forward to it, but it means I need to finish some stuff up on campus promptly! Pray for me for the wisdom/discipline to finish things on time and not forget anything!

Kenya Update 12/9/09 - The Wedding Weekend

How many days have I not posted in my blog just because "I don't even know where to start"? The answer to that question is 2. The problem with this particular excuse for inactivity is that the longer you wait, the more happens, and the more difficult it is to start writing about it! Craziness.

I will start with Friday and walk through one of the coolest weddings I've ever been to! Friday night all the groomsmen and bridesmaids came to the campus of ANU for the rehearsal and to spend the night so there would be no complications in the morning. The rehearsal was, well, a wedding rehearsal (slightly painful but necessary), and I had 2 groomsmen spend the night with me in my flat. It was a nice time, though Samsung (the fellow I was sharing my bed with) didn't come to bed till 4...some folks have some seriously weird sleep cycles/body chemistry. Saturday morning we woke up nice and early and headed to where Dibo (the groom) was getting ready for breakfast and harassment. I'm proud to say all the groomsmen were there on time, the ladies were a bit late, but all in all the ceremony was extremely punctual, starting at 10:30am with a published start time of 10:00 am (bravo!) This is very foreign for African weddings, evidenced by the fact that very few people were at the ceremony when it first started (even 30 minutes later than what was on the invitation!) Dibo tells me that guests were still arriving at 3 pm, surprised that they missed the ceremony...so funny.

African weddings are awesome. Even Americanized ones. Everyone was SO excited. It reminded me of the state of the union address in that the pastor could not finish 2 sentences without the crowd bursting into cheers and applause (though the cheers and applause were definitely more genuine then they are when our president speaks!) What else was cool? There was a troupe of women from Dibo's family and from around campus who surrounded Jeannette before she even entered the church, singing dancing and celebrating. Such a cool tradition. During the reception they have public presentation of gifts - which was great. It was fun watching Jeannette figure out what to do when one of Dibo's relatives gave her a live rooster. The reception was very nice and wrapped up by about 3 o'clock. Dibo and Jeannette stayed around to spend time with Jeannette's mom (Cathy) who flew in from Oregon for the wedding.

You can find some sweet pictures from the wedding on my Picasa page.

The Dibo Wedding

Sunday was also a very neat day - church was a lot of fun. My Congolese neighbor's son Gustaf decided he wanted to sit with me on my chair while I was playing my drum during worship...so that means I was multitasking keeping him well behaved (no shadows in the projector), keeping him from falling off the chair, and playing my djembe the whole time...it was quite the challenge! After church Pastor Gift grabbed me and we went to help fix the roof on the home of a church family...it was hot work, but it definitely helped (when it rained the water flooded into their front door, so we put up an extra piece of sheet metal to help keep the water out.)

It is eye opening to see some of the needs people have in Kenya - they are often so simple to meet. Just a few dollars can make such a difference in these peoples lives who are struggling to feed their families, much less buy material to keep their home from flooding!

Tuesday was a very fun day as well. I spent the morning working on data entry for the registrar (slightly more fun than invigilating...slightly...) and giving Rao Yi an english session. After that I met up with Jeannette, Dibo and their Mom to go see some elephants. Unfortunately we were 15 minutes late to their feeding which means we did not get to see them. Very sad. We went and got pizza to make up for it. After lunch we spent a bit over 2 hours at St. Paul's children's home playing with the kids. It is so great having Dibo there. He's got such a gift for children's ministry, and he knows Swahili which is a huge help. Jeannette got some pictures, I'll start a Picasa album for St. Paul's. Though the kids kind of go crazy when there are camera's around, so I might avoid pictures more than I want to.

Lots of walking, lots of friends and good times in Kenya. Like I mentioned, I'm doing data entry for the registrar, doing my best to get to the orphanage whenever I can and I'm also helping the student council plan their "cultural week" in February. It's hard to plan things here - lots of hoops and you're forced to hop through.

I miss the snow, but I'm loving the weather here. It's perfect, and I have the most impressive farmers tan of my life!

Kenya Update 12/4/09 - Invigilation

This week I learned a new word: invigilation. This is like the old school style of proctoring exams, literally defined as "keeping watch over examination candidates to prevent cheating" (thanks Google define:!) I think sometimes how "cool" a word sounds influences my gut reaction to how cool something is. For example: I was asked to be an invigilator for the final exams that were help this week! That sounded very cool, like I would get a sash or a whistle... but it turns out invigilating is not as exciting as it sounds - indeed the act of saying the word "invigilation" is more fun than the act of invigilating itself! The way that final exams work is super intimidating though - 400 students in one room with invigilators walking up and down the aisles looking for cheaters...for 3 hours...in silence...fun? Reminded me of the standardized tests we took growing up.

My students did well enough on their exam, both passing, one with flying colors and the other with muted earth tones. Uncanny how there is a direct relationship between how much you study and how well you do on exams. Who would have thought?

Yesterday evening I spent time with the Pitts getting ready for Christmas. This involved eating a delightfully home cooked meal while watching Elf, putting up Christmas decorations and a long conversation. It is very good to have people in your life to encourage you who seem to encouraged by you in the process. This is their first Christmas sans immediate family as well, so it's good to be together. Also, when I was doing lights I shocked myself with good ol' 220v Kenyan AC current...it didn't feel good, but my hearts still beating. More fodder for that "2 Truths and a Lie" game that everyone (teenagers) love so much!

The name of the game this weekend is wedding. Tomorrow Dibo and Jeannette are getting married, which means this evening I'll have 4 of the groomsmen sleeping in my flat, which will be WILD. 2 in the bed, 1 on the floor and one on the coach. Super fun. Tomorrow should be fun too. Dibo asked me to be a groomsman which is quite an honor and pleasure, and I get a nice blue tie from China (um...no lie) out of the deal! I don't know what tonight will hold, but I know tomorrow will be a very exciting day (while it will be exhausting!) I'll be sure to take pictures of the festivities.

My thoughts are with everyone at home during Christmas preparations. It won't be easy being apart, but God is faithful - and we're still celebrating together, we'll just be doing it globally instead of locally! :) Speaking of which, there is a neat thing that the Blood:Water Mission folks are doing this year...for 85 dollars you can buy whats called a BioSand Filter, a device that uses sand to clean water. It is hard for us to imagine how great the need for clean water is in developing countries - but it's true. This filter seems like a natural and efficient way to improve peoples lives where its not possible to get clean well water. Check out the site and video and think about the real difference your dollars can make for people!

Kenya Update 11/28/09 - Basically Beaker.

Nothing to say that can top this:

Kenya Update 11/25/09 - Orphans and Termites

It's been a fun and busy week so far. It took way too long to recover from our late night of games at the Wakias home...I worry that my college "function on negligible sleep" mojo is leaving me. This would be tragic. I went to sleep at 9:30 last night, so today I'm chipper and awake, and not falling asleep during my English lesson (yeah, that was embarrassing!)

Yesterday I walked to St. Paul's Childrens Home, an orphanage about a 25 minute walk from ANU. I was asked by pastor Gift (from the church on campus) to organize the compassionate ministry for our congregation. I am working with an intriguing fellow named Sylvanus Michael Otieno - he's a retired teacher who is aiming to go back to school, but for now he's just helping with the church. An old football player, he has stories upon stories (which, of course were shared on the way to the childrens home!) The home itself was delightful - we chatted at length with the matriarch (an incredible woman named Margaret) about how the good people at ANU can meet their needs and minister to the kids. The kids are adorable, a little girl sat on my lap playing with my wrist watch the whole time we were chatting. There is also a Norwegian volunteer living at St. Paul's who seems like a great guy. He is a digital design type person, and is aiming to create a website for the school so they can raise money more effectively (for little things like food and water!)

Are there any good people at home who would be willing to take his designs and design the web interface? It would be a "fun" project that would make a HUGE difference in a lot of lives (especially for those kids) here in Kenya.

So for the next few days I'll be galvanizing all my friends to go to this home over Christmas break to do music with them, teach a bible lesson and play games. It is exciting to participate in such a dynamic and practical ministry. Pray for St. Pauls Children's home!

In other news: I made the mistake (or, had the wisdom to) lift up the loose linoleum in my bathroom to see a vast army of termites chowing down on the baseboard and stretching across the floor. A good part of my morning today was spent cleaning up and having a maintenance fellow spray the inside and outside of my bathroom...so it's a mess, but hopefully it will be a bug free mess (in a few hours) so that I can transform it back to a bug free bathroom!

Here are some pictures from Sunday's concert:

Jazz n Folk

Kenya Update 11/23/09 - Jazz, Settlers and British Capitalism

It has been a very fun weekend. Saturday we had "Thanksgiving" - after which I went back to ANU and satisfied my turkeyitis by reading and snoozing my way in Sunday. Sunday morning there was church where I filled in on the keyboard. Our preacher was a masters student named Evans Katanga who spoke on the importance of excellence while serving God - he gave the ABCs of excellence (all I remember is that J was "Just do it!" hahaha).

After church I headed into town to see Immanuel Ashene's jazz combo group do a recital. Immanuel is the choir director here and I do lots of stuff with him (including playing ping pong every day at lunch! Excellent!) It was very fun, he did well (on piano) and I'll post some pictures on Picasa.

After the concert I accompanied Dibo and Jeannette to Ken Wakia's house to spend the night playing board games. Some info on Ken: Ken is the former assistant dean of ANU, but now he is directing a few choirs around Nairobi (one of which I sing in: the Nairobi Chamber Chorus). We played 2 games of Settler's (6 players! awesome.) and 1 game of Monopoly. It was super fun, Ken's British wife Joanna won the first game of Settler's, I won the second, then we both decided at 1:30 am that it would be a tie "power sharing deal". It was pretty brutal, but sleep was definitely the best option at that point!

Sunday morning (during our bible study on Romans) Dibo told a quick fable about faith:
In the midst of a terrible drought 2 men decide to pray that God would send them rain. The first man spends all his time fasting and praying, pouring out his mind body and soul to the purpose of entreating God for rain. The second man prays, but then spends his time planting seed and preparing his fields for the harvest. When the rain came, the first man had to scramble, rushing through the preparations in order to take advantage of God's providence. The second man reaped a great harvest. Which of these men had greater faith?


This story really made me think about where I am in my term of service in Kenya. The semester is ending, and I will not be here long enough to teach another unit. So, I've got a solid 5-6 weeks where my responsibilities are spread thin. In other words, I will have more time than I've had in the first 3 months here (by the way, it's three months today :) ) I want above all to do what God would have me do (my activities the last 3 months is enough to make my resume look awesome. I'm not worried about that, beyond actually getting a job - yikes!), and I have been trying to figure out what exactly that is. It is complicated, juggling intentions and insecurities as I try to divine what I ought to do. Dibo's little fable is great because I'm encouraged to make it a matter of prayer, but to not sit complacently in flat #3 waiting for something to happen so I don't doubt my intentions or second guess myself. I am working on opening opportunities for me to serve in a few different areas, but never outside the context of prayer. That being said: I hope that enough information for some other folks to pray for me as well :)

Kenya Update 11/21/09 - Happy "Thanksgiving"

Today was Thanksgiving in Kenya! Okay, not really - of course Thanksgiving is not a holiday in Kenya, but we had a big ol' Turkey-style Thanksgiving meal at the field office with all the missionaries and their family today. The food was wonderful (as usual) and I am always struck by how warm, receptive and kind the Nazarene ministers and teachers who live at Mount Carmel are. It is always an encouragement - especially when I get a plate full of food to bring home! :) It's been a good week at ANU. I spent a lot of time planning a trip up-country to visit loads of people (most of whom I have not met yet!), organized by my pastor friend Peter who I've been getting to know more and more.

Things with the student council are going well - things are starting to get rolling because I've found some good people to work with. The Leadership Training organized last Saturday was a huge success and it gave us a solid foundation of transparency to start building the relationship between the Student Council and the administrative staff. I am optimistic mostly because of the competence Charles (the newly elected Student Council chairperson) has shown. So it's alot of organizational strategy type stuff which I find compelling but most people don't care about! Oh well. It really feels like that I've found a niche at ANU that is using my all my skills, refining them and challenging me.

I have been challenged in big ways while here at ANU, challenges that I am still figuring out how to meet in the way God made me to meet them. I think these challenges can be summed up in one statement: "How can I be a Jesus person in a world full of so much desperate need?" This is a question that you could write a book about, for sure. It's a question I think us Christians ought to ask ourselves daily - not only to remember how important it is to be Jesus people, but to remember how desperate the needs of people around the world are.

I wonder if Facebook will update with this blog entry? Perhaps that will make these entries much more public, hopefully more people can enjoy them. God Bless!

Kenya Update 11/13/09 - Ping Pong Parasites

Awwww yeah three P's. I'm such an alliteration junkie. Anyway I've had a busy week since my close encounter of the microscopic kind on Tuesday. Just to be clear - I have an amoeba that totally wrecked me on Tuesday, but has since slipped into latency. I have amoebacide from the clinic at ANU that should clear me up in a few short days. I am so thankful it has eased up too, because I've had a lot fall into my lap the last few days. A busy weekend looms, and I've been asked to organize the student leadership training on um...Saturday. I feel okay about it, I'm worried though because I would claim that the students and administration are not "practiced" at working together or communicating...so, I hope folks hang their frustrations, immaturity and fears at the door for the seminar I've planned on Saturday!
Also, on Sunday I'm traveling with the choir to some church in Nairobi, followed immediately by a rehearsal for the Nairobi Chamber Chorus which will be nice - it's been a while since I've done some quality singing. Unfortunately, another busy weekend means one less chance to go see some animals. Drat! It will get done - perhaps at the beginning of next week I'll take a day off and hit up the Giraffe Center or something.
In other news: I have found equipment to play ping pong regularly on campus...a pair of NICE paddles that the school is letting me use (keep in my flat so they're not broken like everything on college campuses are broken) a net and some balls. So, my neighbor Riao Yi and I play after our english lessons, and now that I've RElocated my phone (yeah it was missing...) I can give my Ethiopian pal Joseph a call (he's quite the player too). Also, on Friday I skipped down to the lounge to play some students, some of them are very good, but I won 3 games to 2. I felt like this was luck. This did not in any way detract from the thrill of victory. I will update tomorrow after leadership training and my day of singing!

Kenya Update 11/11/09 - Happy Corduroy Day

This morning was wonderful - no vomiting, no terrible toilet time...while it is very confusing, I am not complaining. I got my test results back from the clinic and it seems I have an amoeba! Plus I've had it for a while, because there are not many symptoms at first. Yet as the first generation of amoeba spawn come to life in my stomach there is a violent reaction which is not fun for the host! So I've got my drugs from the clinic and I should be on the path to good health in good time.
This is good because now I can focus on trying to get my students to pass Logic Circuits, elbowing my way into student council and making music with Mr. Ashene! Also, I'm working with a gentleman named Michael from church to put together a compassionate ministry program for ANU students and the congregants of the ...we have our first official "meeting" this afternoon, so I hope things work out and God blesses our work.
Thanks for everyone's prayer and encouragement yesterday. It helped so much and made me realize how difficult (well nigh impossible) it would be to do this Africa thing alone.

Kenya Update 11/10/09 - An Interesting Morning

I knew something was a little weird when I couldn't get to sleep last night until midnight. I woke up this morning around 6:15am and I just felt awful all over. Perhaps it was a tell tale sign yesterday: I was very sore all over my body, but I thought that was just from ODing on pushups before and after bed...but no. I'll spare the "oh feel bad for me" details, I spent the morning vomiting (but only 3 times!), riding the porcelain throne and sleeping. Just around 11:30 I had a big scare: I was taken with a huge case of the chills and dizziness, coupled with that feeling of "here comes an upchuck" as well as the very real need to empty my bowels. Luckily I was able to alight the toilet to take care of the latter of those issues before I passed out (I didn't actually pass out), and I sat there recovering. Now (12:30), I feel better, I'm able to sit up and eat and it seems as if the worst is over. I am definitely going to hit up the clinic after I print some stuff for class tomorrow. I hope I feel better for choir rehearsal tonight - get this: we're singing Christmas music the whole chapel on Thursday. What a riot, but they're some really cool Caribbean feel/west African feel songs that are about Christmas time. So funny. I might play my drum for one of the A Cappella songs.
So I was able to post some pictures I've taken since the sun has come out: they're not many, I'm at 20% of my Picasa storage so I'm aiming to conserve - though I plan to add more pictures of campus so folks can get a better feel for where I live! This first album is going to be an "updated regularly" album of friends I make.

Good People

Now the campus shots:

ANU Campus

I appreciate the prayers as I fight my way back to health!

Kenya Update 11/9/09 - Quite Like Paradise

It has been a good week at ANU. The weather is starting to move towards the post-rain "spring" phase, and everything is beautiful. I will make an album of shots from around campus and post it on Picasa tonight. Several times this week (and especially this weekend) I had to pause, look around, and think (or comment) "you know, ANU is quite like paradise..." Things are green, there are flowers everywhere. I see now the intentionality of the groundskeepers starting to come to fruition, and I love it.
It was a great week working with the Immanuel and the choir, my logic circuit students (who are struggling with flip flops...poor guys) and hanging out with friends and neighbors. It's fun going into the market with Riao Yi and his wife. Folks in Ongata Rongai aren't used to seeing white folks walking through the market, much less a mzungu with a pair of Chinese! Very fun to see the wide eyed children scamper to their mothers and mischievous shop owners try to think of creative ways to get at our money. Speaking of children, on my walks to and from Dibo and Jeannette's place I often run into some kids - their reactions are consistently in one of two categories. They are either intrigued by this mzungu with a drum, or stricken with abject terror. I saw one boy who was perfectly happy walking with his Mom until he saw me coming, he immediately starts bawling and will not stand such that he can see me from behind his Mother. His Mom thought this was great and did her best to dodge out of the way much to my delight and his despair. Other kids smile, laugh and wave shouting the "mzungu salute" over and over "HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE YOU?"
The novelties of being a racial minority can be enjoyable just as often as they are frustrating and sad. That's what I keep telling myself and I'm finding that if I'm "on purpose" about it - it's true. It's time for me to head out. I will post more tomorrow. Allison reminds me that while things are starting to approach "normalcy" for me, the little things I barely notice (like cows in the streets or homemade carts or even the trees) are still total novelties to most people who read this blog. That being said, I'll work harder to write about my every day life, and take some pictures to go along with it :) Blessings to all. God is good and He is with us everyday.

Don't Panic

Another common and less than positive response to crisis is panic. We had a gang of young boys growing up in our town just outside of Boston. This was gang activity in the best sense of the word. These were the unenlightened days of the late 50’s so it was politically correct to play cops and robbers, cowboys and Indians, knights of the round table, NFL football but the thing we loved most was “raiding the girls”. The girls would be playing house or whatever other girly thing they happened to be doing and we would swoop in as marauding bandits, over turn their tea set, frighten their dolls and generally wreak havoc and misery upon their existence.

Well we were enjoying our raid this one particular day when the ground began to rumble and here comes Mr. LeBrun. He was big and we thought ugly and very mad ... steam from his ears ... froth from his mouth ... coming to save the girls and demolish the enemy. Well it was fight or flight time and knowing that fight was not an option I burst into all out flight mode. I began to run ... and lo and behold he starts chasing me ... did he not know my older brother was the ring leader of this nefarious plot? I Put my head down, ducked into a neighboring nursery and began running thru the trees. He was getting closer, I could feel his hot breath on my neck. He was just about to get me when I found myself spinning my legs in mid air ... not unlike Wiley Coyote in the Road Runner cartoon. I had run straight of the precipice of a sheer cliff and was sure I would fall to my death, landing flat on my back after a frightening fall of at least 4 - 5 feet. When things get tough the easiest thing to do is panic ... worry ourselves sick ... do something stupid ... take things in our own hands ... run off a cliff in fear.

We don’t need to panic. We are not alone as our God is an ever present help in time of trouble. We are not alone as the family of God is a help and support. A loving God sends his Spirit to comfort, strengthen, and lead. We have a guide in the words of God and as we listen and seek the wisdom of an infinite God he will show us the next step to take when life shakes you up.

I am quite sure the next step taken in obedient response to the words of God will not be off a cliff. Then what we find is that our place of greatest fear and danger is most often the place of greatest blessing.

… our place of greatest fear and danger is most often the place of greatest blessing.

Real Life Ain't Disney World

Real Life Ain’t Disney World


I love Disney World. Every employee is ingrained with the core value that the guests are the most important people on earth. Everyone smiles. There is a sense of peacefulness that is not reproduced in the typical theme park. Employees do not rush into work, throwing on their apron at the last minute. Rather they are actors who enter the park through specially camouflaged doors. I love Disney world but I couldn’t live there. It is nice but not real.

People do not always smile at you. Good fortune does not always fill your life with sunlight. There are times when the darkness of pain, trial, suffering and injustice consumes your existence. Facing the facts, living by faith involves an acceptance of the trials and suffering of life … not a pain free life but a deep rich abundant life. Accepting the facts is more than a passive endurance of pain but is also a decisive turning from a self absorbed obsession/pre-occupation with personal comfort, convenience and pleasure. It is as we accept and even embrace the reality of suffering that we come to know and understand God’s working in us.

It is in the real finite struggles of life that an infinite God reveals his love, grace, and power to us as well as to those around us. Skye Jethani quotes Dallas Willard, “We are not to try to get in a position to avoid trials. And we are not to ‘catastrophize’ and declare the ‘end of the world’ when things happen. Jethani goes on to say, “the trials of ordinary existence are the divine curricula for spiritual maturity. These are the laser beams God uses to put our old self, with it’s misappropriated desires, to death and then resurrect a new self with new desires focused on a more lasting joy". In other words although I really prefer comfort and a painless existence … that is neither my deepest need nor the way of greatest happiness. My greatest joy is in facing the trials with the empowerment, grace, inner strength and joy of a practical relationship with a personal God.

Kenya Update 11/2/09 - Chakula na Rafiki

It seems alliterations don't translate well from English to Swahili. This weekend was full of good food and good people. Friday night I was invited to stay at the Crawford's at the field office complex (Mount Karmel) down in Nairobi. There was a potluck to bid farewell to Dr. David Graves and his wife. Dr. Graves is the newly elected General Superintendent for the Africa region. We spent dinner listening to some wild stories. If you ever get a chance - ask me how they tenderize meat in Sudan. It was a very fun night especially considering how good the food was - and that I watched Stargate with the Crawford's afterwards! They were very kind to let me stay in their home, I really enjoyed visiting with them...plus they let me borrow the complete Colubmia recordings of Simon and Garfunkle, which is 5 more CDs of music to enjoy!

Also, Amy and Greg got me into "Facebook Scrabble" which is called Lexulous. It could be a ministry, perhaps. I am so bad at that game that anyone playing against me will feel like a champ. So, if you need an ego boost, feel free to challenge me and I'll do my best against you (to no avail!)

Saturday afternoon was pretty lazy, I watched a movie with Graham and visited with my family in New York. My niece is one seriously happy baby when she wakes up. Then Pitts invited me over for home baked PIZZA, which was delicious, and some episodes of the West Wing. The pizza was great, and I got to take some pieces home!

Sunday was a good day. Ombui wasn't there to play keyboard so I stepped in, which isn't as much fun now that it means I don't get to play my drum! The service was good, but I was tired. After church I slept for 2 hours...which is an unusually long nap for me. BUT it was good thing I rested up because yesterday right before sun set I tromped on over to Dibo's home with my djembe. We spent the night eating and playing music in his finance's Jeannette's flat by candlelight because the electricity didn't come on until about midnight. So, Dibo and I shared a bed last night, and he will be the first to tell you how crazy his sleep cycle is. He listens to LOUD music all night long; he says he enjoys listening to worship music and reading the verse on his desktop background as he falls asleep! Luckily, he was gracious enough to turn it down a little bit so I was able to sleep. I really enjoyed staying with Dibo - he is a solid man of God who is focused on where he is going.

This week my goal is to see some animals! I figure I've been here for over 2 months, its about time I hit up one of the safari's or animal centers around the area. So: cool pictures to come! I miss my family and my Allison very much. Thanksgiving is coming up and so is Christmas - prayers would be appreciated as I search for constructive and Godly ways to avoid letting homesickness drag me down!

Kenya Update 10/29/09 - Sleepy Thursday

Today it feels like new england in Kenya...it is overcast and quite cool, definitely the kind of day that warrants a sweater! Special thanks to my parents who sent me an extra sweater in the mail - who would have thought it would be necessary? Well I am sure I will be singing a different song around Christmas time!

Speaking of which, I have been working on plans to visit a pastor I met at ANU named Peter "upcountry" in the Kisumu providence of Kenya. This is a "river and lake" region, as I'm told, and I should expect to enjoy a lot of fish and ugali! I am looking forward to this further cultural immersion, but I would appreciate prayer considering I have no idea what to expect. I'm practiced in stripping myself of expectations, but not without adequate prayer support!

Yesterday the student council of ANU met for the first time, and it's nice to watch Charles (the chairperson) step up in vision and leadership. The ANU trustees are in town, along with Dr. Jerry Lambert the Chancellor of the university. This seriously confused me. The "president" of the university is the VC (vice chancellor); I asked Dr. Lambert what function the Chancellor served if the VC runs the school? I suppose the Chancellor is like a money raising figure head (Prince Charles is the Chancellor of Oxford or something...). Before he "retired" to the Chancellorship, Dr. Lambert used to be the international commissioner of education for the Nazarene church - which means I had the opportunity to meet with him in San Diego in January of 2008; it was very good to reestablish that relationship. He is a Godly man who really encouraged me. The issues I am facing, that ANU is facing and that Kenya is facing seem no less complex after our conversation, but now I feel hopeful and optimistic about the future. I hope that I can have a spirit that inspires such Godly optimism!

I am seriously sleepy this morning. Maybe a desk nap is the solution. Roger doger, signing out.

Kenya Update 10/24/09 - 2 Month Messiah!

Today I met a sandal wearing, leper healing bearded Kenyan who claimed to be the messiah! No...just kidding. Actually, today I SANG the Messiah (Handel) with something on the order of 400 other singers! It was awesome. The concert was a fundraiser for the "Nairobi Hospice" a organization that provides a caring home for those with terminal illnesses; they also supply home care...so the concert was super awesome, we were accompanied by the Nairobi Orchestra, and directed by the director of the NCC (Nairobi Chamber Chorus) Ken Wakia. Wow, so anyway, the concert was so intense and exciting, especially the movements people know well (aka. Hallelujah all the way) I'll post a video :)

Messiah Hospice Concert

I had a great night yesterday. I was feeling very homesick after a sad Skype conversation with my family (you know...poor reception and all that) but then my friends Dibo and Jeannette came to visit! I had the opportunity to share some Oreos and milk with Dibo and his bride to be, which is great. You know the only thing that makes a great thing better is sharing it with someone else! :) We had a great time and I got to share with them how much their friendship (and their own relationship) has encouraged me the last couple months. This was followed by a guitar djembe funky breakdown session. It was a perfect solution to that season of homesickness :)
Whats coming up this week? I hope to visit St. Paul's orphanage with some fella's from campus on Friday...I'm having dinner with the missionaries and a GS on Saturday (and spending the night at Mt. Carmel on Friday)... that is all I can think of right now...
Oh! I'm playing guitar for my neighbor Xao Yi in church tomorrow - he sings so well! I'm excited to be playing for him, he's one of those singers that absolutely loves lifting his voice in praise, so it's a great encouragement. I secretly recorded us practicing earlier tonight, but I think telling blogger to upload an mp3 and a video at the same time is a bad idea...

Kenya Update 10/23/09 - Sunday Service

Does anyone find it strange that we call our worship times every week "services"? I imagine that someone unfamiliar with the English language would consider this one of the "idiosyncrasies" of English; in every other context the word service means something different than what happens on Sunday morning or Wednesday evening! Besides the complications this might mean for an ESL student, I have often thought about the implications this has on our tradition of worship. A story in Matthew 12 tells about Jesus and his disciples breaking the Sabbath law; they were meeting their very real needs (hunger) by eating corn off the stalk. Jesus boldly refutes the protests of the Pharisees when he says: "...the son of man is master of the Sabbath!"

Barclay expands upon this in his commentary, claiming that real Christian service might be different from what a "service" has evolved to in our tradition. He writes: "Christian service is not the service of any liturgy or ritual; it is the service of human need. Christian service is not monastic retreat; it is involvement in all the tragedies and problems and demands of the human situation." If we are truly purposeful about making this "involvement" our priority, would our "services" look any different?

I don't mean to condemn Sunday morning "whatevers", perhaps it is just a poor label for a good practice. Sunday morning worship offers praise and adoration to God through song and devotion, church leadership meets the spiritual needs of congregants, and ideally, congregants meet the needs of their brothers and sisters in Christ through community and friendship. Yet how often are things ideal? Avoiding the temptation towards cynicism, I believe it is reasonable to claim that many Christians view Sunday morning as a spiritual "pit stop", a practice of self service that helps them in real and important ways, but it stops there. If the only person being served at a service is yourself, something is wrong.

It is easy to be wrapped up in our traditions, to let the logistics and habits become our reality so much so that we forget the call to serve the needy. What if someone skipped church to go to Boston and feed the homeless men and women in the Commons? Or if we missed our devotions to comfort a mourning friend or family member? If there are real, human needs in places that Christians "just don't go", should that stop us from going? That is a scary (but challenging and exciting!) thought, because there are real, human needs everywhere we look. Whether it be hungry orphans in Africa, lonely teenagers in high school or depressed co-workers at the office there are always opportunities to translate our tradition of worship "service" to a lifestyle of worship-service!

I will finish with a poem Barclay included in his commentary, but an author I have never heard of (Barclay's good at finding those) J.G. Whittier:

Oh brother man, fold to thy heart thy brother!
Where pity dwells, the peace of God is there;
To worship rightly is to love each other,
Each smile and hymn, each kindly deed a prayer.

For he whom Jesus loved hath truly spoken;
The holier worship which he deigns to bless
Restores the lost, and binds the spirit broken,
And feeds the widow and the fatherless.

Follow with reverent steps the great example
Of Him whose holy work was doing good;
So shall the wide earth seem our Father's temple.
Each loving life a psalm of gratitude.

Kenya Update 10/20/09 - Nerdy Nostalgia

The past few days have been a great; today was a public holiday, so I was thrilled to get some time to read and journal. I ran this morning which was well...fun isn't the right word. It was good. Then I watched the GI Joe movie. I felt like I was watching a cartoon even though it was live action! Perhaps that was intentional? Probably not, it was just that cheesy! This afternoon we had a rehearsal for the Messiah concert this Saturday. It is to raise money for a hospice home for the dying, so it's exciting to be singing for a good cause instead of plain old entertainment. On the way home from the rehearsal (6:30/6:45 or so) all the choir kids decided they wanted to get some pizza before getting back to campus, except they didn't realize how long it would take! It took over an hour to get all the food, and the bus driver had to get back to give someone else a ride. Most of the folks went back with the bus, but a friend Kevin and I stayed to get the pizzas when they were done, taking the public transportation back to ANU. It was successful, although the traffic was horrendous (the chaos of Kenya's barely regulated traffic system is something I've gotten used to to an extent, but this evening was so hard core, it's unbelievable!) Anyway, I arrived victoriously (gloriously, even! Easy to do when you bear 6 pizzas for college students!) around 8:30. After a brief visit with my neighbors Rao Yi and Ro Lang (sp? hoo boy...) who were kind enough to pick up some bread and eggs for me, I sat down and had a lovely chat with my lovely Allison. So it was a good good day, and I'm ready for the rest of the week. I wish we had a day off every week! :) Oh, just so my post title makes sense, observe this wonderful video I found today:

Poor Internet...

The internet decided it didn’t want my laptop to get through the proxies again here at ANU, which is sad.  Yet it shouldn’t stop me from updating when Outlook happily gets me around their proxy, and I can update by email!  Sweet.  So, I’ve had an interesting week.  Lots of traveling in and out of Nairobi which is an exhausting process, but it was worth it for the experience of singing with opera singers from Vienna, Austria.  Also, it’s great to be building relationships with some of the musicians of Nairobi, specifically those who I work with and hang around at ANU.  It has been a trial though trying to stay healthy in this season of late nights and stressful Matatu rides.  Happily, after Wednesday I can take a breather, and re-assess my priorities.  I am hoping to get some students together and get involved with the St. Paul’s children home off of ANU’s campus.  It’s an orphanage that, honestly, I don’t have a lot of information about beyond a referral from the fantastic Mr. Mat Woodley.  Especially in the light of this opera thing, I really feel compelled to seek out people who have tangible needs.  It’s fun to sing operettas for drunk German people and to see Nairobi from different angles, but I can’t help but thing: is this what Jesus would be doing with his time?  Hopefully I can have more info on this new idea by the end of the week.

I’ve been encouraged and challenged by the text of Isaiah 42 recently.  It prophetically describes Jesus as the perfect servant of God:

“Here is my servant, whom I uphold, my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my spirit on him and he will bring justice to the nations.
He will not shout or cry out, or raise his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;
he will not falter or be discouraged till he establishes justice on earth.
In his law the islands put their hope.”

Does anyone know what islands are talked about in this passage? Anyway, this passage has been challenging for me in loads of different ways, but I should really get to work this morning and you can (hopefully) read and be challenged or encouraged on your own! J  God bless.

 

Self Pity

Another memory… let me know if you are getting tired of my family stories. I received a call from my daughter’s elementary school. Christina was in 4th grade at the time, was apparently hurt in the play ground and the nurse was asking me to come and get her. Being busy in the office, I said I could get there in half hour or so, to which the nurse responded; you need to come right now! Of course I left right away, still having no details of the problem.


Apparently a two inch branch of a tree had tipped into the playground where the kids were pulling it back, sitting on it, and going for a ride upon it’s release. Christine was waiting her turn when another child pulled the branch back while she was in front of it. The branch was released and my daughter went on a completely unexpected, very painful and frightening ride. The branch caught her in the mouth, splitting her lip, driving her four front teeth into her mouth, and tearing the palate. It was a sight no parent should ever have to see.

We rushed her to an oral surgeon with a gruff, insensitive dentist chair side manner, which was more than annoying. I held her hand as he pulled the teeth forward, pushed them in place, and stitched up the palate all the while telling my nine year old not to cry because it wasn’t his fault she was injured. He was a grouchy old guy, which was the bad news … his being a good surgeon was the good news. We picked up pain medication and went home to wait on her hand and foot and help her recover the best we could.

Just about this time one of my sons came home, threw down his back pack saying … this was the worst day of my life! He began to tell his sad story of forgotten homework or unfair teachers or whatever was the crisis of the day … he was looking for some sympathy for his angst of his day when he saw his sister. Her face was swollen and bruised, she was obviously being pampered within an inch of her life … his countenance fell. Clearly his sister had sucked every ounce of available pity from the hearts of her family. Seeing there was no pity left to be had, he left his back pack and trudged wearily up to his room. It seemed like he was the only invite to his pity party that day.

What is it about a pity party that we enjoy so much? Pity, like complaint is another “path of least resistance” response to crises. Pity is the opposite of compassion. Compassion says, I feel your pain, how can I help. Pity says, I feel my pain, how can you help me. Self pity is an open invitation to a party that no one really wants to attend but they can’t refuse. The RSVP is not an option; it is not received in the mail but rather delivered in person.

Again, like complaint, pity is not a response of faith. Faith is facing the facts, part of which is the living through pain, inconvenience, injustice, or sorrow that accompany the crises of life. Self pity turns us inward as a negative, escapist, reactionary response to the insecurities of life. A faith response is pro-active, standing strong:

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:14-17

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are not without resources. Pain and crisis do not alter the truth upon which we stand. The good news of the gospel is an ever present reality. The shield of a practical and personal faith remains as a shield against the attack of negativity and temptation. We are protected by the helmet of salvation so that when we are shaken by life we can respond on purpose in a pro-active way. We will look further at some of these issues when we discuss, Living Your Faith, as a purposeful practical life style decision. But for now: Tear up the invitation …

Complaint ... from the best seller to be please feel free to edit/suggest

Complaint


It was a father/son moment. My third son Jonathan and I were having a pizza lunch together at one of the large, not to be named, pizza shops. The bad news was the pizza. The good news was the pizza and the price.

I had picked Jonathan up from school and we went to enjoy pizza and the normal parental prying session. Why do parents have to get so personal! Anyway, we ordered our pizza, waited as patiently as possible for a lively junior higher and a busy pastor. (Neither one of us waits well) We kept looking toward the kitchen door with anticipation.

The pizza finally arrived, saying a very few brief words of thanks, I suspended my prying and we dug in. If anticipation is half of the enjoyment … we were missing half the fun. The pizza was cold with barely a brushing of tomato sauce and just a little bit too tough for my 50 year old teeth.

Being in an assertive mood, I called the waiter over and pointed out the injustice of having trusted such a fine institution to receive a quality product and received instead that which was so far below reasonable expectations. The waiter was all apologies and quickly returned to the kitchen. Ten minutes later we received our pizza, hot and steaming, with too MUCH sauce. Topping it all off, the waiter said, the manager says the pizza is free today. It was a very cool deal that my son was able to see me at my courageous best. I stood up for my rights and that poor waiter never had a chance. My son was seriously impressed about the free pizza we enjoyed.

Not long after we were in a restaurant with the family. It hadn’t been 5 minutes after receiving our meals that Jonathan, following my stalwart example saying, this spaghetti is terrible, tell the waitress we want free spaghetti. He had learned his lesson well … the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

We live in a complaining society. We deserve a break today. We deserve to be treated well. If we are inconvenienced, ignored, or even if fate deals us a bad hand someone needs to hear about it. When life shakes you up, the “path of least resistance” response is complaint. If we take an objective step back and consider the value of complaint, there is little benefit.

Henri Nouwen, in The Return of the Prodigal Son, has an insightful perspective on the nature of complaint:

One thing I am sure. Complaining is self-perpetuating and counterproductive. Whenever I express my complaints in the hope of evoking pity and receiving the satisfaction I so much desire, the result is always the opposite of what I tried to get. A complainer is hard to live with, and very few people know how to respond to the complaints made by a self-rejecting person. The tragedy is that often, the complaint, once expressed, leads to that which is most feared: further rejection.

I may still send my cold pizza back, but the salient point is that, complaint is not a response of faith and maturity. Complaint is wishful petulant thinking … wishing in a self focused way that I would never have to face the pain, trials, and loss of living in a world where pain, disease, ignorance, and sin are a reality. Chapter Four will focus on the faith decision to “live your faith”, as an alternative to complaint, escape, blame etc. but for now … the focus is upon complaint as a negative response to the crises of life.

Rough beginning of When Life Shakes You Up - Feedback/Criticism ?

Chapter One - Face the Facts

Some of this is cut and paste from previous writings ... needs editing

God speaks to Joshua and he doesn’t pull any punches. Moses is Dead … talk about blunt ! We don't like the bad news. Maybe you have noticed - bad news does not send an engraved invitation. Bad news comes suddenly - unexpectedly. When life shakes you up it slaps you in the face and it's the last thing you expect. .

God speaks to Joshua. Moses is dead - now it’s your turn. Think about it. Moses was one of the big guys. God had spoken to Moses in person on the top of Mount Sinai. Joshua had watched as Moses hand delivered the 10 commandments, still smoking from the hand of God. He had watched Moses deal with all the annoying whining grumbling people as he paid the price for being their leader. He watched Moses stretch his rod out and part Red Sea. It was Cecil B. Demille, in real technicolor and real life. Joshua had big shoes, rather sandals, to fill. Joshua was in over his head.

Face the Facts: Bad news is bad news …

We don’t like the news that shatters our plans and dashes our dreams. I did not like hearing I had an incurable disease. Immediately, I wanted a second opinion. There must be some mistake. Shortly after diagnosis, I was gathering information, searching online, educating myself on what I was facing. I received a large manila envelope from one of the PD research/support groups. It was stuffed full of more information than I ever wanted or needed.

The first thing to fall out of the envelope was a royal blue business sized card with bright yellow letters – with the words I AM NOT RETARDED emblazoned on the front. The back of the card explained that the carrier of the card was not retarded but rather had Parkinson’s Disease. I could use this card to let people know that I may have trouble with my words but be patient it just takes me longer. So the good news is that I am not retarded - the not so good news is I just look and act retarded. I had to face it. I had/have an incurable disease. I didn’t like it ...I don't like it … it was/is not good news.

There were frightening financial realities to face. We had a plan for getting the kids through college and preparing for retirement. Over the years, my wife Brenda has worked as a home care nurse providing care especially for pediatric cases. She is amazingly gifted as a care giver and considers it a ministry. She loves “her children” as her own. I would continue as a full time pastor and as soon as our nest was empty or maybe even during the last few high school years, she (my wife? Brenda?) would work full time. This would help the kids through school and invest in retirement so we could buy a house and settle in hopefully near family and grand children.

The problem was that God did not check in with my broker. Possibly because he knew I didn’t have a broker but he didn’t even give me any notice. Our plan was clearly a good plan. It was almost like God didn’t get it. After all we had “sacrificed” to live in a church owned parsonage our whole life. (I wish I could write another book about the blessings of raising kids in a parsonage … yes you heard/read me right!) Hadn’t we given our over 20% of our income to God’s work in the church, missions, and various building projects and special needs. We kind of deserved at least a say in the deal.


Lest you think that “facing the facts” is a formula for feeling groovy in five easy steps, when life sucks … this was certainly not my experience. Facing the facts, the hard realities of life, is a decision but also an arduous never ending process. The salesman with the bad breath, this courier of bad news: whom I will introduce shortly, was banging on the front door … and I was not about to answer.

Michael J. Fox’s books, “Lucky Man” and “The Diary of an Incurable Optimist” have been an invaluable help in writing this book. Upon being diagnosed with PD the neurologist told him he had at least ten good years of production before he would need to step back and retire. I was 49 years old and kind of accepted the ten more years of production thing, in an “I’ll deal with all that 10 years from now” sort of way. I was not about to consider that in two years, the lay leadership would be doing most of my work in the church and that in four years I would be on disability.

In retrospect, I had been slowing down for a number of years. Weekly sermons which typically involved six to eight hours of preparation, now took 12 – 20 hours. My meetings with the 10 lay pastors, who provide practical care within the congregation, would normally meet every 6 weeks. These meetings were happening perhaps twice a year. For many years I had prepared a daily devotional follow up to the weekly sermon, hoping I guess that if my people had no idea what I was saying … maybe it would make more sense in print. Somehow I just didn’t seem to be able to continue that on a weekly basis. There were times I was plagued with guilt because I was just too exhausted to visit a parishioner in the hospital. I needed to face up to the reality that I needed help.

Letting go of that which I loved so much … allowing others to fill in and make up for my deficiency was heart wrenching. So many people were so responsive to the ministry needs of the church. The church where I served as pastor for 14 years was planning an $1,000,000 expansion. During the two years before my retirement (resignation?), the building committee met without me. Nominations, elections, finances, Christian education … most of the functions of the church were cared for by volunteers with my two secretaries basically acting as a pastor in planning and facilitating the activities of the church.

My effectiveness as a pastor and leader were clearly diminished. The good news was that I had a great excuse for my work, which was from my perspective was far below my personal standards. I will deal with the blessing/curse of an excuse more fully in Chapter Three - Count Your Blessings under … “it’s not all bad” . The bad news was/is that my excuse was an incurable disease.

I didn’t like it … and it sounds like it in a journal entry late one night:

I don't want to be like this the rest of my life. I don't want my wife to have to live with this stinking blank stare spaced out look. I don't want people calling the house wondering if I'm able to answer the phone. I want to visit all day Saturday. I want to go early to church, talk to people come preach two services and talk to some more people. I want to be part of realizing that we messed up the building program and there's a much better way to do it. I don't want to keep telling people that I am too impaired to do their weddings, dedications, and if they die they need to make other arrangements. I want to keep harassing with District licensed ministers on the credentials board. I'm not the sure if I like seeing them squirm or and deeply concerned about the leadership of the church. Probably both. I want to stay out late with some with nutty people without feeling that will be a wreck on Sunday because of it.
I am so tired stupid voice software won't work. I don't want to be someone different... I want to be myself. It is that too much to ask?
No

This is what happens when my mind goes hyper. My mind has just jumped in the last one or two minutes from going to Sam’s, going to the bank, going to the driving range, going fishing, going to the wake, talking to Louise, working on Colossians, working on the cycle of victorious living diagram, meeting with Gary, going swimming, working out, taking the digital recorder back, fixing supper. What do I do to short-circuit my head from this mind blitz?

This is not like me. It is why I feel lonely or mixed up sometimes. I keep missing myself... but I am really still there. When I’m writing... that’s the real me. When I’m goofing off ... that’s the real me. When I cried... I guess that was the real me... just didn’t know it. When I preach... it’s not a persona... it’s the real me (but God’s words). So when I miss myself I just need to remember I’m still there... for the most part I’m still pretty visible. When I am trying to help people... it’s the real me... but only when I’m not trying to fix the whole world. When I am walking in puddles with Andrew... there I am... and I think it is a real Andrew as well. When hugging my wife, marveling at Jonathan’s talent or admiring Christina as a gift from God ... I am most myself. When I ask for help from friends... sometimes too often... I hope it’s the real me, not manipulating, not overly dependent... hoping to be a help to them as well.

Anyway this whole weird situation is interesting, exciting, hopeful, terrible, strange and the working of God continues in and through the whole thing.

Many who read this book (excuse the delusions of an un-published wanna-be author) will have stories of parental abuse as a child, the lingering pain as an adult victim of divorce, teachers who are not fair, an employer who has thrown them away like a used rag, friends who destroyed their reputation, a pastor who betrayed their confidence, a diagnosis that is overwhelming. None of this is good news. The fact remains … and I seldom if ever use this word but … duh … bad news is bad.


Denial is not Faith

The first response when life shakes you up is – face the facts. Don’t deny reality. Denial is not a response of faith. Faith is not wishful thinking but rather a foundation upon which you can base your response to the crises of life. Christians have been accused of hiding their heads in the sand. In no way is Christian faith some sort of spiritualized denial mechanism.

You might say that faith is a crutch for there are times of weakness when we really need the love of God and care of his people. We need to lean hard upon that which is solid and dependable. But again, faith does not entails pretending that the crisis does not exist. Examples of people who are always fantastic ?

Denial tends to be sub conscious, an involuntary response. The premise of this book is that the response to crises can be on purpose rather than involuntary. Denial takes several forms.

Initial Denial

There are times when the news is so bad that denial is necessary as a first step in coping with unthinkable bad news. My son Ryan as a sophomore in high school had been having headaches and dizzy spells at school. We took him to the doctor who immediately ordered an MRI. It was on a Friday afternoon that my wife walked through the back door of our home (the parsonage?) with an MRI film. She was white as a sheet and nearly paralyzed with fear. The MRI revealed a large white mass the size of a softball on the right frontal lobe of his brain. We took him to the emergency room and after waiting five hours the neurologist on call said he was busy and would see him in five days.

We were frightened. We knew it was serious. But in spite of what we “knew” … he still went to the New York Mets games the next day at Shea Stadium. How stupid could we be? The facts were so overwhelming that we were unable to act as though we believed it. I had been diagnosed with PD a few months earlier, there was conflict and criticism in the church concerning a building project, we could not assimilate a brain tumor on top of everything else. He even went to school on Monday morning.

The good news is that I took the MRI to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital and my neurologists in the Movement Disorder Center dropped everything to call Sloane Kettering on the other side of Manhattan. Making like a New York cab driver I madly transported the MRI across town. The surgeon said get him down here immediately. By that afternoon my son was in intensive care at Cornell-Weir Hospital for Special Surgery. On Thursday, Dr. Souedane a world class pediatric surgeon performed the operation. The tumor was fully removed, unattached to the brain, and totally benign with no trace of cancer. We are so thankful for the doctors, surgeons and staff of these amazing medical centers.
Ryan missed his last two years of high school basketball but was able to play two years of college ball. It was a gift from God and he is now a social worker in Boston with plans for seminary in the near future.

The first natural response to trauma is denial. In an interesting way it is the first step in facing the facts. It is that time in which the facts are “known” but we act as though they are not real. In this sense, initial denial is a helpful tool as a step toward facing reality.

Denial becomes a negative response when it continues beyond the initial state of shock. There is a type of pseudo-Christian response which ignores the seriousness of bad news and tragic circumstances. The attitude is God is still on the throne and everything is going to be OK. Ultimately everything will be OK for the Christian. Later I will introduce you to an important tenet of the faith, “Cheer Up … someday you’re gonna die”. By faith we believe in eternal life.

The reality of heaven does not, however, guarantee that I will be healed of my disease in this life. I will attempt to leave you puzzling over the whys and wherefores of healing/non-healing in a page or two. Jesus does not teach that the life of a disciple is a life without suffering, pain, disease, and persecution. Living by faith is not denying the suffering but rather living out the life of hope and faith even if the suffering is not miraculously removed.

Any denial of the difficult realities of life is a denial of the adequacy of Christ in whom we place our faith. Jesus is the cornerstone of our faith. He did not come to live among us, so that we could escape real life. He came; calling us as His followers to get all wrapped up in realities of a world full of sin, oppression, and injustice... seeking to save those who are lost.

When you lose your job... face the facts. When you are stricken with illness don't act as though it doesn't exist. When you fail... Afess@ up... face the music... suffer the embarrassment. When you sin, don't pretend it's a mistake, confess the sin. There's no way to deal with the things that shake your life until you look them straight in the eye. (pink slips, diagnoses, rejection, and other trials certainly must have eyes ... They find us so readily)

There are other less than positive responses to the trials of life.

Bitterness

Blame

Pity I am entitled

Why Doesn’t God Heal Me?

What About Providence?

Ran across an old article I put on my blog ... for better or for worse

What to Do When Your Pastor is a Ninny


As one pastor put it, “this is a tough gig”. I would submit that having a pastor is about as tough a gig as being a pastor. Once in awhile you run into a pastor who also happens to be a ninny. A ninny is a technical term defined as “a sincere tortured soul who loves God and is oblivious to a significant amount of what is happening in the church community where he/she serves.”

By that definition it is not whether your pastor is a ninny but rather how big a ninny is she. (I will alternate genders in case some ninny reads this and can’t sleep at night because he got more space than she) Most pastors have achieved some level of ninny-hood because: 1. People are afraid to talk to him 2. She doesn’t want people to talk to him. (Sticking to the alternate gender rule if it kills me and ruins the article (even more)) 3. People would rather gossip 4. People have tried to talk to her but he wouldn’t listen.
There are some important things to remember:

God calls ninnies to do his work.

Jacob was a slippery heel grasper and couldn’t be trusted. Moses couldn’t preach his way out of a wet paper bag. Solomon lost his mind. David stayed home chasing women instead of going to war. Peter was a big mouth. Thomas was as negative as they get. Judas was greedy to the point of betrayal.

It is amazing how God uses people who are less than perfect, make mistakes, and have limited ability. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to accept your mistake making less than perfect pastor, who is not a world renowned orator and do your best to make her look good. Talk about the things he does to help others. Listen to her sermon and comment on it in such a way that people know you listened. Build him up and you will be doing God’s work.

One Person's Ninny is another persons messiah ...

Before you are critical of your pastor remember that what you do can hurt and disillusion others as well as your pastor. People have come to faith because your pastor preached effectively or knelt with them at home or held their hand at the hospital. Somewhere between 20 - 100% of the people in your church love your pastor. If you bring him down in their eyes you damage their faith and guarantee disunity in the church. Be careful. Consider others before you try to save the Kingdom of God single-handedly.

Burning at the stake rarely improves performance

Beating your pastor up does not improve her ability to serve as your pastor. Pastors care very deeply about pleasing God and sometimes even more so about pleasing people. If there is information your pastor needs to know that will cause him to expect she might be a ninny, make sure it is in the context of 10 parts encouragement to 1 part criticism. A toasted pastor will often get testy in the pulpit ... Something you do not want.

You are most likely a ninny too

Looking back at the definition, it is likely you are a sincere caring soul who is also oblivious to much of what is happening in the church. Your pastor knows circumstances and information that you cannot know that explain why she does what he does. Give her the benefit of the doubt. If you are patient with him you will set an example that will be contagious in your church fellowship. You will then be the grateful recipient of this patience when someone notices you are a ninny.


First hand information turns into 2nd and 3rd hand about 6" from your lips

Be careful who you talk to. Every word you say and some you don’t say, will be broadcast over coffee, over the phone, over the internet over and over. The "sermon was boring message" turns into the pastor’s spouse got a nose ring in about 45 minutes. Talk to your pastor first. Sure she is scary but he needs to learn to listen just like you need to learn to talk directly to her. No one survives a gossip feeding frenzy so be careful little lips what you say and to whom they say it.


Maybe God is calling you to help ninnies

Someone needs to do it. Oblivious by definition calls for someone to help remove the oblivion. Be patient. Pastor types are not always easy to help. Often he thinks he is the messiah and needs some patient therapeutic reality checks. Often recognizing her oblivion will cause him great pain and you will need to encourage her. Being a former ninny, I know how much, they need patient, persistent, caring oblivion busters. Don’t give up on your pastor. Help him become even more effective in the work God has called her to.

Kenya Update 10/12/09 - Time Flies!

I have had a seriously busy week and weekend! Last Thursday the ANU choir performed at the Nairobi National Museum at an event called a "Classical Evening" It was good fun. It is very interesting thinking about classical music in Kenya. There is a small group of dedicated musicians who have invested themselves entirely to creating a classical music culture in Nairobi. It does not even occur to most how incredibly fortunate we are in the United States to have music and art as a part of our public school curriculum. Trying to create a cultural infrastructure in a country without that foundation is very difficult, but they are making progress! I was asked to play a piano solo, which, if you know me at all you would know I was stressed out to no end! Anyway, the solo went well (ie. it could've been worse), and it was great to sing and play with the choir, and even better to spend some time with the students outside of rehearsal. Hopefully I proved to some of them that I'm not as boring as I seem in rehearsal (shrug)
Here is a link to some pictures and a poorly made video from the evening:

A Classical Evening

On Saturday, my involvement with the "fledgling classical music scene" in Nairobi continued as the NCC (Nairobi Chamber Chorus) sang for a big ol' fancy wedding in town. It was a Catholic wedding (ie. long and boring) in a HUGE cathedral. There were so many wonderful musicians there. Extravagant weddings like that are always offsetting for me - such displays of exorbitant wealth always makes me a little sad. It was fun, however to spend some time with my friend Joe, visiting his flat in Rongai and walking around the city. The more time I spend off campus (outside of the context of grocery shopping...) the more I'm starting to feel comfortable here in Nairobi. This is a welcome change, and I am grateful for my friends (like Joe and Immanuel) who have provided opportunities and support to make this trasition to feeling "at home" possible.
This week, we're learning about Medium Scale Integration ICs and programmable logic devices! Sounds exciting, doesn't it! Last week I was able to write my final exam and get it submitted by the deadline (Friday), but just barely. Thats an interesting story, I will tell you if you ask me :-P

Kenya Update 10/6/09 - Challenges!

For several months Allison and I have been reading through William Barclay's commentary on Matthew (okay, I guess that means we're reading Matthew too :) ) ... recently the message of the text and the commentary have been overwhelming clear and consistent with our experiences; Jesus calls us to be witnesses to God's love! I feel as if I have kind of watered down that call to evangelize during my time at ENC (even saying the word evangelize leaves a weird taste in my proverbial mouth). The text we are studying today is Matthew 10:32-33:


"I too will acknowledge before my Father everyone who acknowledges me before men. I too will deny before my Father who is in heaven everyone who denies me before men."


What a challenge, even in the "easy" circumstances I face every day - no one is threatening me or my family if I refuse to deny Christ, yet the temptation to deny the lordship of Jesus in my life is always there. In subtle ways, presenting myself as a Christian but with a disclaimer "Yes I am a Christian, but don't worry! I'm still normal, I'm still cool!" Perhaps it is an attitude born out of good intentions, not wanting to disenfranchise those who might see Christians as judgmental crazies, but I think more realistically it is born out of a self interested avoidance of being judged as crazy. Are we not crazy, living a life committed to Jesus' ideals? Living counter culturally (as Jesus taught us) is definitely crazy to most minds. yet we are not to be judgmental crazies, just Jesus people. Loving crazies, maybe - crazy about love, crazy about Jesus, crazy about showing people God's love. Perhaps that will result in us being judged, but provided our transparency is God breathed, it can only serve to bring about God's purpose. I need to stop apologizing for loving Jesus as much as I do. Or maybe, I need to stop apologizing before I love Jesus as much as I claim to love him.

Jars of Clay offers a different sort of challenge in their song entitled "Light Brings Heat". It's my understanding that several years ago they came to Kenya in efforts to start a ministry called Blood:Water Mission. This song is a reflection on that time and the complexity of working in Africa considering our western assumptions of superiority, our lack of understanding of African culture and the implications that has on being Jesus to people as an American in Kenya. Following are the final lyrics from the song, as well as the writers interpretation. The final refrain is a prayer I will embrace on a daily basis as I continue to face the challenges God is good enough to put in my life! :)

You treat me like I'm blind, setting fires around houses on the hill,
But light gives heat.
You segregate my mind, burning crosses from your fears, your fears,
But light gives heat.

Will you teach us how to love? To see the things you see,
Walk the road you walk, and feel the pain that you feel.
At your feet I kneel, I want to see you shine,
See your light not mine... 'cause light gives heat...
your light gives heat... gives heat.

(Dan's explanation helps it make more sense!)
"This song represented being comfortable with sharing the moment we’re in about Africa. I have wrestled with the idea that we’ve been awful with the way we’re approaching Africa. Stripping them of their dignity, when that’s not the whole story. Starting the organization Blood:Water Mission served as the push into learning, trying to offer help, while giving people their dignity. Light Gives Heat is about learning a better way. It’s learning not even to approach it saying “I’m going to Africa to serve these people”. I wanted to write a song that was kind of part confessional, saying I’m sorry I am part of the problem. And the second part of the chorus is from an African perspective, which is “however you approach us, we find hope in the midst of what you offer.” That’s the picture of African dignity and African determination that is so powerful..." - Dan Haseltine (Jars Of Clay)

Kenya Update 10/3/09 - Downpours and Djembes

It has been a most excellent weekend in Kenya. Thursday night after PR rehearsal, Immanuel spent the night at my flat. He lives in Rongai, and the rehearsal is late so he needed a place to spend the night. I am lucky enough to have an old ghetto couch in my flat, so I was more than happy to share! We had a good time. I made dinner of spaghetti and oober chunky meat sauce (which I was teased about the next day in the office - I guess spaghetti isn't considered an actual meal here...), we stayed up too late and got up too early, but it was nice to get up and have someone to tease/say good morning to.

On Friday I spent 4 solid hours shopping for groceries. Xaviour came with me to the Tusky's in Rongai to find that it was closed for 2 hours due to a power outage. Not wanting to think about what they were doing with all the meat, and considering Xaviour's prediction of what a Kenya 2 hours would look like, we decided to go 10 miles down to the road to the larger Tusky's in Langata. The primary reason for our trip was (I'm very sad to say) to buy a cellular communication device. So now I have a cell phone, which is good because my students can reach me at anytime. Also, I am establishing some semblance of independence (don't worry Mom and Allie!!!!) so it is good to have a phone in case I find myself in a dangerous/unfamiliar situation.

Today I spent the morning reading Oswald Sanders. The book is called "The Joy of Following Jesus" and its a challenging little book. Sanders points out all the ways that modern Christianity is so drastically different than a scriptural discipleship of Jesus. "To some who have been nurtured on the 'easy believism' doctrine, the radical demands of Christ may seem excessive and unreasonable." It's very easy to write off Jesus' commands and his example as excessive and unreasonable (especially in our modern context), but Sanders challenges us to take them seriously, pay the cost of discipleship and experience the fullness of following Jesus!

After lunch I went with Charles and his brother Joptha to the Masaii market in Nairobi. The quest: find a djembe and purchase said djembe free of the "mzungu discount". Me and Charles did reconnaissance, scoping out the drums around the market and finding the one that felt "right". Then we sent in Joptha with a target price. After arguing for about 90 seconds, I had the drum guy offering me 8000/- ($100) which is totally out of my price bracket. Joptha spent 30 minutes bargaining, and he walked away with the drum for 3500/-!!! A good deal for such a quality drum. Check out the merchandise:It's a nice solid wood djembe. Granted, its a rope drum, which means I will soon be acquiring a new skill (tuning rope drums...), but it sounds great. And it has a lion carved in the bottom. Super cool.

On the way back from Nairobi it started POURING. This is such a relief for this region. It has rained on campus twice since I arrived 5 weeks ago, and never for more than 10 minutes. This downpour was so welcome, I didn't mind getting soaked on the way to dinner! I can't wait for tomorrow - I am going to try to play my drum in church (start salvaging my terrible rhythm skills...) and I seem to recall a rumor of going out for lunch with the Pitts??? Fingers crossed! God bless :-D