Self Pity

Another memory… let me know if you are getting tired of my family stories. I received a call from my daughter’s elementary school. Christina was in 4th grade at the time, was apparently hurt in the play ground and the nurse was asking me to come and get her. Being busy in the office, I said I could get there in half hour or so, to which the nurse responded; you need to come right now! Of course I left right away, still having no details of the problem.


Apparently a two inch branch of a tree had tipped into the playground where the kids were pulling it back, sitting on it, and going for a ride upon it’s release. Christine was waiting her turn when another child pulled the branch back while she was in front of it. The branch was released and my daughter went on a completely unexpected, very painful and frightening ride. The branch caught her in the mouth, splitting her lip, driving her four front teeth into her mouth, and tearing the palate. It was a sight no parent should ever have to see.

We rushed her to an oral surgeon with a gruff, insensitive dentist chair side manner, which was more than annoying. I held her hand as he pulled the teeth forward, pushed them in place, and stitched up the palate all the while telling my nine year old not to cry because it wasn’t his fault she was injured. He was a grouchy old guy, which was the bad news … his being a good surgeon was the good news. We picked up pain medication and went home to wait on her hand and foot and help her recover the best we could.

Just about this time one of my sons came home, threw down his back pack saying … this was the worst day of my life! He began to tell his sad story of forgotten homework or unfair teachers or whatever was the crisis of the day … he was looking for some sympathy for his angst of his day when he saw his sister. Her face was swollen and bruised, she was obviously being pampered within an inch of her life … his countenance fell. Clearly his sister had sucked every ounce of available pity from the hearts of her family. Seeing there was no pity left to be had, he left his back pack and trudged wearily up to his room. It seemed like he was the only invite to his pity party that day.

What is it about a pity party that we enjoy so much? Pity, like complaint is another “path of least resistance” response to crises. Pity is the opposite of compassion. Compassion says, I feel your pain, how can I help. Pity says, I feel my pain, how can you help me. Self pity is an open invitation to a party that no one really wants to attend but they can’t refuse. The RSVP is not an option; it is not received in the mail but rather delivered in person.

Again, like complaint, pity is not a response of faith. Faith is facing the facts, part of which is the living through pain, inconvenience, injustice, or sorrow that accompany the crises of life. Self pity turns us inward as a negative, escapist, reactionary response to the insecurities of life. A faith response is pro-active, standing strong:

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:14-17

As followers of Jesus Christ, we are not without resources. Pain and crisis do not alter the truth upon which we stand. The good news of the gospel is an ever present reality. The shield of a practical and personal faith remains as a shield against the attack of negativity and temptation. We are protected by the helmet of salvation so that when we are shaken by life we can respond on purpose in a pro-active way. We will look further at some of these issues when we discuss, Living Your Faith, as a purposeful practical life style decision. But for now: Tear up the invitation …